The Reject Station

When Sylphalchemist and I started this blog, I told her, "I just hope Fucking Shoujo lasts longer than milk." We laughed. The "Haha It's not going to last that long" laugh.

Male lead's just Clark on super red kryptonite.

And now it's been two months and I feel like a giddy fourteen year old who reached the two month mark since stalking her celebrity crush. Like my ten year crush on Tom Welling, male lead of Smallville. Dude dropped off the face of the earth after the show ended. Strange that his old love interest is on a new show without him.

But anyway, I've been brainstorming new ways to keep this blog alive since most of the manga I've reviewed were series that I read a long time ago.

Sylphalchemist: Read more manga.
Me: I think I'm growing too old for this shit shoujo.
Sylphalchemist: How dare you insult the majestic rainbow kawaii desu wonder that is shoujo. Naoko Takeuchi, author of Sailor Moon, would be ashamed of you! You should be in Moon Prism--Prison! Yeah! What say you, dreamless troll! [This part may or may have not been made up. I have a problem with mixing up real life experiences with fiction.]

In all seriousness, one of Sylphalchemist's real suggestions was that I write some BL entries. Hm...subjecting our dear readers to my love of pickle fighting. Nope. With perverse reading comes great responsibility. And every picture would either be censored or be illustrated with Larry the Cucumber.

Cue the sound of a twenty year old Christian's childhood shattering.

There's also shonen-ai, the BL that focuses on the romance rather than the instant sex, but I find it rather boring. It's usually slice of life shoujo ai, my least favorite genre. If I wanted real life, I'd go outside. Other times, it's just really strange. Like "all the virgins in this world have cat ears and a tail and sometimes we have magical battles with each other" strange. That is literally the premise of Loveless. And the main characters are a twelve year old and his older brother's battle partner who is in college by the way.

"So what happens after your ears and tail falls off?" "We put it in a soup." "Oh that's gross."

I contemplated some more. I don't know a scrap of Japanese other than the basic words anime taught me. So translating a new series was out. Shoujo cliches! No. There is a tumblr for that. Then I thought, "I know, personal anecdotes! Moments that could have totally been in a shoujo! ...What am I doing with my life?" And then I looked out the window and slipped into introspective mode.

I'll stick to what I know for now. And what I know are patterns.

There are those authors whose characters are too similar to each other. They write the same type of heroes but with different storylines. Usually, I couldn't care less. That's what I asked for when I jumped on the Shoujo Express--high school girls falling in love with that one good looking guy.

Okay jerks who remain jerks because they're lovable that way, misunderstood asshats who have hearts of gold and change their ways, nice guys who were simply waiting for the right girl. So what if ninety percent of you are insanely good at athletics and those who aren't are artists and musicians. I'm okay with the limited character development. I'm in it for the art anyway.

Same for you, fighter chicks who have no weakness except that one time so the male lead can step in. And all you perpetual damsels in distress, I know why you have eyes that take up a third of your face. It's to beam your distress into the sky so the male lead can come rescue you. I accept that.

And then I came across Hwang Mi-Ri.

No, this is not a genre search. This is only half of what Hwang Mi-ri has written.

100+ series and they all have the same two characters.

I don't know how many people write under Hwang Mi-Ri, but there must be a character outline that all the girls are trained fighters who sometimes go undercover and the boys have to be gang leaders or a prince who bully the main girl so much that they fall for her and then become hopelessly in love with her.

Hot Blooded Woman, appropriately titled

Legend of Nereid

He's Dedicated to Roses "Nowhere near my dancing skills, you are."

To be fair, I haven't read every single series this author has to offer. But I have read a significant amount of their work and it's enough to know where each series is heading...back to the shelf of generic manga. The ideas are interesting but are executed like a mass production of newspaper hats.

If I were to pick my favorite out of them, it would be Hot Blooded Woman. While the main girl is the stereotypical idiot who eats a lot but never gains weight, I can't help but laugh at her shenanigans. We're introduced to the main character, Ha Ji, who is a female gang leader. After Ha Ji gets hit by a car, her soul is accidentally transferred into the wrong body.

Thanks to an incompetent spirit guardian, Ha Ji has to live her life as Aram until Aram's spirit returns. For now, Ha Ji's real body is left in a coma. The moment she steps into her new rich kids' school, we find out Aram is being bullied. But Ha Ji never catches on that it's bullying.

And yes, that is guy she gets together with in the end.

"Here, let me clean my ears so I can hear you better. Nope, it's not my ears. You're still full of shit."

And when the main guy, Sin Uoo (reminds me of 'sinew', disgustingly fitting name for a super strong asshole), and other people bully her even more, Ha Ji interprets it as a challenge to fight. She's so dense that when she gets rid of the glasses and the hair braids, she misinterprets his invitation for sex at a hotel as a challenge to fight too.

"What do you mean you need to spank the monkey? Do you want to go to the zoo?"

"The way she spins that lampshade is so erotic."

"And I hope that's pee in my pants."

Eventually she wins him over with her quirks--fighting with people for random things, challenging Sin Uoo for his position of "jjang" (a Korean word meaning "the best"), being a food vacuum, mistaking Sin Uoo's bitchiness for a funny personality. He falls in love. It takes Ha Ji a bit longer to realize that her "heart attacks" are the emotional kind and not the kind that can kill you, which should be a big concern if you're having them frequently. Issues arise because Aram, the real owner of her pretty face, is the one who loves the main guy so when Ha Ji rejects him, he throws a tantrum.

He tries to strangle her.

Dude, you're lucky that she couldn't aim lower and personally sterilize you.

Most people would call the cops or run away. But since she's clearly not one to back down from a "challenge", you'd expect a beat down. Nope, she scolds him.

Ha Ji: You sneaky little bastard, trying to strangle me off guard. No, no. If you want to strangle me, it has to be in a legitimate fight. So when's a good time for you?
Sin Eww: I give up. Go away. Also you have serious problems. Even I know I'm a murderous son of a bitch.

Ha Ji proceeds to destroy his shit to get him to fight her, namely his textbooks and the student body's clubroom, which she mistakes as his gang's "hideout". Sin Uoo doesn't care. Their school can replace everything and his family is filthy rich. It just hurts to look at her after she rejected his advances. So he settles for "random" five minute encounters.

Then one day, Ha Ji runs out of cash to buy lunch. Sin Uoo just so happens to be strolling around the same area (the ultimate excuse for stalking) and gives her his lunch. And this is what sparks Ha Ji's love for Sin Uoo. A burger and a Coke.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach right? Why be sexist?

I didn't remember the hamburger part until I re-read it for this review. It is by far the stupidest attempt at "redeeming" the main guy's violent actions. Let's pretend that Sin Uoo bullying Aram, the owner of the body, doesn't count. After all, Ha Ji doesn't know Sin Uoo's and Aram's history.

Now factor in that he was okay with having a one night stand with her, a girl who he said previously would be better off dead. Fine, so what, consensual free sex with someone of the same age isn't a crime.

Then there's the part where he watches Ha Ji fight a bunch of his underlings so she can get the chance to fight him. He lets the guys give her a good punch here and there. He never physically hurts her himself. Oh yeah, until she refuses to be his girlfriend. Then he attempts to strangle her.

A burger makes up for everything.

Who needs to rescue Olive Oyl when you can have a nice duck burger.

And this is where I summarize the rest of this nonsense as best I can. It gets worse.

• Ha Ji begins to fall in love with Sin Uoo who pretends he isn't overly excited about it. We find out he has a problem with expressing his feelings because his father groomed him to be the perfect heir. And that everything he says is the opposite of what he feels.

• Sin Uoo's also engaged to Aram for the sake of his father's company, which is why he hated her. (Aram turns out to have a terrible personality nurtured by a sad past including a dead mom.) After watching Ha Ji run around in Aram's body, he realizes she can't be the real Aram. He confronts Ha Ji and confesses that he wouldn't have these feelings for her if she was the real Aram.
• At that moment, Aram temporarily regains control of her body. She can't believe this bullshit. She lies about Ha Ji being her "other personality" and says she didn't know he'd be attracted to a made-up character. Aram's feelings have reached their limit.
• Sin Uoo assumes Aram has split personality. He hates Aram but loves Ha Ji. (Ha Ji conveniently doesn't remember what happened when Aram regained control. Spirit guardian is a douche who does things for Aram's benefit.)
• Ha Ji meets the guy who inspired her to learn how to fight. He's part of a gang and is very protective when it comes to women. His chivalry could be considered sexist. There's a scene where Ha Ji beats up one of his underlings, which he argues as Ha Ji trying to defend herself when she's the one who provoked him. Ha Ji even challenges the guy himself to a fight and he decides she simply needs to "vent". 

"Don't ask me how I can tie my own hands."

The most annoying part of the series are the misunderstandings. The series is filled to the brim with them. But main one is the misunderstanding between Sin Uoo and Ha Ji. Sin Uoo wants Ha Ji as his girlfriend. Ha Ji wants to be jjang. So he fights her because she's not going to admit defeat unless he beats her. To her defeat means being his underling. To him, girlfriend.

And then he sang High School Musical songs.

Yeah, Sin Uoo uses a basketball to win. Ha Ji accepts the defeat as legitimate because she used a bamboo sword earlier. And they run around together for a while. For Sin Uoo as boyfriend and girlfriend, for Ha Ji as leader and underling. Later, she has an epiphany.

"I don't want to be his underling, I want to be his girlfriend!" And it's a bit confusing trying to follow her mind's logic. I wasn't so sure if she was even aware that Sin Uoo already considers her his girlfriend, but she establishes that he belongs to her.

"Guess what? Circle circle, dot dot. Now he's got the cootie shot!" "You bitch!"

The male characters in this manwha are either despicable or wimpy. Just when I thought Sin Uoo was the worst of them, along comes Ha Ji's male BFF, the second in command of her gang.

Mr. Fucking Sociopath.

I can't list all the rotten things he's done. I stopped reading around Volume 12 (there are 24 volumes in all) and skipped to the ending. But when Aram takes over Ha Ji's body, she and Mr. Sociopath decide to kidnap Ha Ji who is still in Aram's body as revenge against Sin Uoo. Aram wants Sin Uoo to know what it's like to lose someone who is precious. Mr. Sociopath's gang then attempts to rape her. With Aram in Ha Ji's body watching.

I can't comprehend how someone can watch their body get raped.

Aram still isn't moved when Ha Ji cries out that she can't let this body get raped because it's not hers. Ha Ji is able to kick the underling off her so Mr. Sociopath has a go at her. Before Mr. Sociopath goes any further, Sin Uoo bursts onto the scene. But gets beaten up by the gang members. Ha Ji can't believe the things Mr. Sociopath is doing. She asks him to stop; he smashes her face in and gives her a bloody nose.

As Aram has a private monologue about feeling nothing, Sin Uoo's gang arrives. Mr. Sociopath quickly grabs Ha Ji and threatens to slice his pocket knife across her neck if they don't let him escape. They clear a pathway. Mr. Sociopath throws Ha Ji into a car, climbs in with two of his underlings, and they drive off.

And the whole fucked up part about this all? Mr. Sociopath knows the girl he's doing all of this to is Ha Ji. All because she's in love with Sin Uoo.

Sin Uoo follows them on his motorcycle. Ha Ji's still in shock over what has happened. Mr. Sociopath is her friend. She asks, "Why are you doing this?" He blows smoke in her face.

"I also like to play Sudoku using my blood sometimes."

Ha Ji has this moment of sorrow. "I regret the time I spent with you."

Then she calls him a fucking bastard and jumps out of the moving vehicle. She barely manages to stand up before she gets hit by a truck. Right before Sin Uoo's eyes. Ha Ji is rushed to the hospital where she dies. Mr. Sociopath who has also witnessed what happened to Ha Ji is shaking. He has a breakdown. She's dead because of him.

Somewhere on a park bench, Aram is sitting next to the chivalry guy who saw everything that happened. He's still sympathetic to her because he likes her. (I think they encountered each other several times.) Aram realizes she didn't have to do all this shit because her first love doesn't have to be her only love. She likes chivalry guy. He has treated her well during her time as "Ha Ji." Aram's spirit fades away after she promises to see him when she's born again. And chivalry guy takes her body to the same hospital.

Spirit guardian erases Ha Ji's memories (the prick), and Ha Ji's spirit goes back to her own body. Aram is officially dead. (She's reborn at the end of the series to meet up with chivalry guy again though. Ugh.)

And Mr. Sociopath visits Ha Ji. She's still unconscious. He leans by her side and touches her face.

Mr. Sociopath: I think you're pretty. I like your eyelashes. Your nose that's deformed a little because you were hit too much. That was the reason why I didn't do anything to hurt this body. But Ha Ji doesn't exist anymore so there's no reason for this body to exist either. So I'm going to strangle you now.

"Man, your neck is super soft too. What lotion do you use?" "JERGENS!"

I had hoped Ha Ji would stop being friends with him after this even without her memories, but nope. To summarize the last volume I read, because Ha Ji and Mr. Sociopath stay friends, Mr. Sociopath kidnaps Ha Ji to use her as bait against Sin Uoo again. All because Sin Uoo and Ha Ji fall in love with each with Ha Ji in her own body. Mr. Sociopath is quite the jealous man.

He ties her up in a chair and places a gun in her hand. The door which Sin Uoo will enter through is rigged to the chandelier. If she doesn't shoot Sin Uoo before he opens the door, the chandelier will drop.

But rigging a suicide is not suicide. It's murder, you crazy asshole.

Soon enough Sin Uoo opens the door, and a shot is fired. Mr. Sociopath laughs and unties her. Ha Ji can't believe what just happened.

Mr. Sociopath: Don't blame yourself. Everybody cares for their life.
Ha Ji: I didn't do it. You made me do it.
Mr. Sociopath: Trolololol

Cue Ha Ji morphing into the Hulk. She throws a chair at him, glass gets broken, and lands a mean right hook to the face. And for some reason, the pair are fighting next to the balcony so when Mr. Sociopath retaliates, the strength of his punch sends her flying off the edge. Mr. Sociopath lunges forward to grab her hand and the force breaks the railing.

"Should have gone to that Pilates class this morning."

They tumble into the ocean. And it's revealed that Mr. Sociopath gave Sin Uoo the wrong address on purpose to some party. And that the person Ha Ji shot? A random delivery guy, and he was only hit with red ink. Sin Uoo later finds the delivery guy running around in the street, shouting for help because two people fell in the ocean.

Mr. Sociopath's skull is damaged. Ha Ji escapes with minor injuries. When Mr. Sociopath wakes up, he doesn't remember Ha Ji. Fantastic. No, really. Now he can't bother her.

Understandably, Ha Ji's upset. He gave her all these scars, threw her off the roof. Mr. Sociopath's loyal guy friend convinces her to let Mr. Sociopath go. Let Mr. Sociopath repress his memories of her. We find out later that he's faking his amnesia so he could move on with his life.

One-sided love? Fake amnesia. Okay, Mr. Sociopath. He should be the next Dear Abby.

There's a time skip. Everyone's in their late twenties now. Mr. Sociopath becomes an actor. Who ironically plays a gangster. His manager is his loyal guy friend.

Ha Ji is the chairman of a food company because of her sharp taste buds. How fitting.

She lives with Sin Uoo who works at his father's company. What, not a Krump dance instructor who coordinates dances during half-time?

The series ends with Ha Ji and Sin Uoo kissing underneath the fireworks for the New Year.

And just when I made peace with the fact I spent my time reading this nonsense, I read the scanlator's final thoughts about the series. The person who scanned all twenty-four volumes left a two-page note. The best line? "No one should be addicted to this kind of third class series."

Would have been a great warning for future readers if the person put their thoughts before the first page and not as the very last page. It's like they're saying, "You wasted your time. Like I did. Let's both feel shame together."

But I'd like to think of my bad experiences with manga and fiction as writing lessons. What not to do when writing your story. That's one of the reasons I adore editing people's stories.

Wow, this probably is the longest entry I ever wrote. Thanks for reading! Your reward? The Water Buffalo Song. ("I Love My Lips" and "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" are my other childhood favorites)

Credits: Selene Scans, Manga-Rain